For the first time in a few days, I am having insomnia. I believe that it's root cause is the pound of four cheese tortellini that I ate after coming home from a Hardcore show. Lately I've been listening to this audial therapy shit called binaural beats. I got hip to it via this astrology blog that I read and have been hooked ever since. I listen to it throughout the day, and I must say that it has chilled me out x 1000. I even managed to not beat a girl's ass on Saturday thanks to my newfound placidity. I will say that it gives me some RAGING dreams. Most of them are sexual and amazing. I'm attributing some of it to the massive amount of cocks that I've been looking at on the internet (more on that later). Binaural beats are sounds that are supposed to bring your brainwaves to a more relaxed state. There are some for lucid dreaming, relaxation and sleep. I haven't needed my Xanax. I wake up refreshed and ready to attack the day.
I go through strange phases sometimes (see above paragraph). My latest phase is looking at cocks on isanyoneup.com. I literally spent three days compiling a folder on my desktop dedicated to my favorites. I'm so selective in my physical life. I have the sexual urges of a male, yet the discernment of a woman. I can't just fuck anyone. I never could! I'm just as picky about my one-nighters as I am about the men that I deem "datable"..Which is why I have a "fap folder" on my computer. I have a friend who hasn't been inside of a woman's vagina in at least a decade. He loves internet porn though. I never understood why he was so afraid to get out there and fuck..Until now. People really and truly do suck, thereby, dating fucking suuucckksss. Everything is rushed and boorish. Men don't give women the time to decide whether we want to fuck them and women don't give men the space needed to get to know who they are outside of "fuck, kill". I have had a few amazing "sexual" experiences in D.C. so far. Two of my faves were with foreigners:
1.Hot Turkish guy (whose name I cannot remember) who worked for a Think Tank, had crazy tattoos and whose father was a former ambassador for Turkey to Cuba..I STILL think about that one..Hot rich kid with a beautiful penis. AND smart. The night before I met him I had a dream about "The symposium". When he showed me the different books that were on his Nook, there it fucking was. So weird. We had a wild night during a lunar eclipse. Biting, choking, the works.
2.Pablo. Met him at a bar while I was being a "sexy goth cougar". I was playing wingman for this girl who wanted to talk to his friend (who turned out to be gay). Spanish, crazy accent and went to Duke. I was extremely intoxicated when I opened with "are you a homosexual?" I was being a complete psychopath that night and gave his drink to the bartender to toss. Still, he asked me for my number. We went out on a date and made out PDA style at a few bars. I tossed him in the "datable" pile, so I didn't bang. I don't fuck on the first date. It didn't go anywhere, which is probably a good thing. I don't think I'd want to spend the rest of my life saying "what?".
I'm actually not sure what this has to do with my "fap folder"...Oh yeah! It's easier to masturbate. I've been pretty neurotic lately about sex, so whenever I start to feel anxious about failed fucks, dating dilemmas, I double click on "!Masto-Blasto!" and stare at Marc from Barcelona's frighteningly huge cock.
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