..But He's An Asshole.

I, AVG, have a crush on someone. I'm an adult and just used the word "crush" to describe potential romantic feelings that I have for someone..Lame. I am extremely concerned by this, because I fear becoming the very type of woman that I abhor. Falling for a shitty guy is the biggest female cliche next to PMS, and I've never done it. I've never been fucked over by a man or had my life destroyed by one..Okay, okay sure I wanted to be committed a few years ago because I was in a shitty relationship but didn't have the balls to break up with the guy at the time (anxiety disorder is a mother fucker), and every girl's dealt with "the guy that disappears", but for the most part, I haven't had many wrist-slitting experiences thanks to men..

Now, this "guy" is a dick. I'm sure he has nice qualities, but in terms of psychological profiles of the men that I'm mostly attracted to, "dick" is not it. I like nice guys that treat me well and have the sensitive qualities that I lack. Men with feelings. Not pansies, but men that are in touch with the softer side of life, I guess..I can't explain it in any other way except that I like nice guys. But every now and again, something strange happens...Planets align and I find myself intensely soul-connectedly attracted to dudes that are more like me..Douchebags. Lascivious men that spend too much time on the fringes..Philanderers, womanizers and druggies. Narcissistic men that have no place anywhere near me. Those are the ones that do a number on me. It's easy to get swept up in the current of a narcissist. They're alluring. There's something intoxicating about someone who has no concern for other people. It's a symbol of utter freedom that most people wish that they possessed. Narcissists take pleasure in draining the emotional well being out of others. The best way to drive a narc. insane is to ignore them or treat them as though they aren't special.

Back to my original point..I am disturbed by my attraction to this man, and know that to even remotely entertain anything outside of friendship would be sooo goddamn bad. So I am not going there. I am going to stay the course of nice men that take me out to dinner, fucking good friends and maintaining my sanity.