So, I loved the first season of The Walking Dead. It was interesting, intense and it introduced me to the sexy Andrew Lincoln (seen here giving me the "shaft, meet tonsils" face):
I was hooked. So upon discovery (and not the least bit of surprise) that it was picked up for a second season, I was BEYOND jazzed. But I must confess, and excuse me if I offend...THIS SEASON FUCKING SUUUCCKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!! What in the fuck happened? Oh, that's right, they fired one of their lead writers or something..I get it. An apocalypse is taxing on peeps..but really? Do we have to spend half of the goddamn season looking for a stupid inbred girl who couldn't follow Officer Cum-Fuck-Me's simple instructions of "stay your dumb inbred girl-ass here"?! I'm sorry, but I'm on Team Sex-Me Shane's on this one..Shane is really growing on me. His undying loyalty to Lame-Ass Lori is wearing on me, though. I HATE her..and here are a few reasons why:
1.She reminds me of a girl that's now dating someone that I was super into, but knew it could never be: We've all had those situations..You're soo into someone, there's mutual fascination/chemistry, but you know that you're a hot mess that would do nothing but bring pain and agony into their lives i.e. curse their family out on a trip to the beach, smash every single one of their friends or something...So now I have an innate grudge against any bitch that even REMOTELY resemebles this guy's girlfriend..And Lori does..
2.She's a disloyal cunt: Dead husband or not..You do NOT fuck your husband's friend!!!! Whether he's dead, you divorced or you're just dying to get deep-dicked by his hot BFF, that's a goddamn NO!! Sucia-ass-slut is what Lori is, and I cannot respect a bitch like that. I will give her props on her secret keeping skills, though. It reminds me of the time this guy I used to "see" and I had to pretend we didn't REALLY know each other around an ex because they happened to be BFFs..It happened before the ex and I met, but how do you tell your current bf that his bestie saw you in bondage at a fetish party? YOU DON'T.
3.Lori's attitude is annoying: She is just lame. Bottom line. She's tough, but in an ice queen way, not an "OMG I HAVE TO HOLD IT TOGETHER" way...
4.She gets to mouth fuck on Andrew Lincoln: DONE.
I really need one of the principle actors to die. Not Shane, Darrel or Officer Cum-Fuck-Me..They must live on and on until there's a sexy three-way between them..Yes, I'm into that. My first choice is Lori, for obvious reasons. Second is Dale. He's getting on my fucking nerves with his overprotective shit and constant need to make Andrea feel good. I mean for fuck's sake, she shot Darrel!!! She FINALLY learns how to shoot a gun and, like stupid inbred Sophia, refused to listen to Officer Cum-Fuck-Me and SHOT DARREL..No delay, let's fucking axe her too, right along with Dale. Better yet, let's have a Walker bite Dale, he turn instantaneously and then bites Andrea's whiney face off. Then, let's just get rid of Carl..Fucking Carl. I just don't like the actor that plays him. T-Dawg can live, as long as he cuts the "everyone's a racist" shit. Glen is awesome, so he stays too. Oh wait, we have to kill Sophia's mom! Okay, she can find what's left of Sophia after meeting a few Walkers, which will of course be simply "eyes without a faacceee!!", and then she'll kill herself. Problems. Solved.
Walking Dead, I'm going to need you to step it the FUCK up. I can't keep spending $2.99 at iTunes just to rub one out while watching Andrew lincoln's character dissolve into a blubbering mess. Give Rick some more backbone, to hell with Sophia and let's kill off everyone except the above mentioned..
Sincerely,
AVG
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