Apple Store, Goddamn.

Today I finally triumphed over the Apple Store. After multiple trips to the store in Pentagon City Mall for a fucked up logic board, they finally agreed to just replace my computer. Now, this act was not achieved easily. I had to call Apple, curse out one of their asshole reps, hang up, flirt with another rep and talk about Sci-Fi and THEN they agreed to give me a new one. I was concerned that they would just give me some piece of shit computer that they refurbished or something, but they actually took one off the shelf, opened it in front of me and let me have it. This computer is so bitchin. It auto-corrects like an iPhone and is just all around baaad as fuck. I'm so down with this computer. It's insane how fast Apple updates their shit. My laptop wasn't even past it's warranty period and the "newer" version of it surpasses it ten-fold..Oh! Like an asshole, I didn't back anything up, so I'm starting fresh, which is fine, because the only thing that I had of importance was my fap-folder full of hot dudes' dicks called "Masto-Blasto!!", so I'm just going to start another one from scratch. I think that will be fun, having to look at dicks and go through them with a fine tooth comb. I don't know why, but I'm so fucking into dicks and dudes jerking off. It's insane. If I could, I would hold fake open auditions for a porn and require all would-be stars to jerk off in front of me as part of the audition process. Skeevy old man shit, I'm all over it. The graphics on this motherfucker are supposed to be stellar, so I'm looking forward to watching Netflix and Hulu soon. I haven't decided whether the anthropomorphic qualities of this computer are going to be female or male..Maybe tranny. It vibes hermaphrodite, or like a guy dressed like a girl. I'm gonna go with the latter. I'm renaming her Morgana Dead. In case I haven't explicated it enough in this blog post dedicated to the subject, I fucking love this computer and am thankful for the other one being a complete dick. For once in my life, I am going to get Apple Care.

"Dude, my computer experience is the equivalent to watching a hot dude with a huge dick jerk off while I'm drinking a chai latte and eating a beef chalupa supreme..It's like that."
-AVG, '11