"Some Of My Best Friends Are Women.":PREADTORY MALE FRIENDS

"Let's grab a drink and talk about what's going on in your life!"

I've come to realize that, truly, no one gives any fucks about me. Don't break out the tiny violin..or do..I don't know. I don't really have much family, and that that I do have resent me for whatever reason. I have a vapid relationship with my mother that centers around me being her life line, but her not reciprocating when I'm in deep shit. And then I think about the "friends" that I have. I've always felt a bond with most men..and I'm coming to realize that it's one-sided. Out of all of the male friends that I have, there is only one that hasn't tried to fuck me at some point. I just realized that today. OUT OF ALL OF MY MALE FRIENDS, ONLY ONE HASN'T TRIED TO FUCK ME. That's some shit right there. I never really paid attention to it, because I figured boys will be boys. But upon closer inspection, there is something really insidious about that. Digging deeper, it says that they:

a.Think that I'm stupid enough to think that they can con their ways into my pants with false friendship.

I had more, but I think that sums it up perfectly. I can't tell you the number of dick picks I've gotten or professions of love and threats to beat up guys I was seeing. The girlfriends that saw how into me their boyfriends/husbands were and forbade them to see me. The friendships that waned because I obviously wasn't putting out. The dates disguised as hang-outs. it goes on and on. And perhaps I'd be flattered if I viewed myself as they do..but to me, I'll always be some suicidal weirdo with a decent rack. It's a daunting feeling knowing that someone always wants something from you. Be it an ego boost or to forget about their ex-girlfriend, some guy always fucking wants something from me. I know this sounds like, "way, pretty girl problems," but it's not. It's "intellectually sentient problems." If I were an air headed asshole, going through life without constantly clocking, I would find nothing wrong with this. If I had no sense of my intellectual worth and needed constant reassurance of myself via male attention, I would be the belle of the motherfucking ball. But I don't. I spend most of my life trying to not go off the deep end. I try hard to confront my less-desirable qualities. What the fuck ever. I hate all things.